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Menopause and Sex

Physical changes during menopause can impact on maintaining intimacy. Menopause and sex can mix, it just needs adjustment.

One of the issues that does come up around this time and is discussed even less than menopause itself is the topic of menopause and sex.

There is no reason why you can't have sex during menopause but you may need to make some minor changes to both your emotional state and your physical state.

Menopause can precipitate two changes that may cause problems with your significant other.

In the first instance, many women experience a loss of libido during the menopause years. Given that women usually experience a lower sex drive than men anyway, this is a further blow to the intimacy of your relationship.

So the question is, what will you do about it? On the one hand, should you have sex to make him happy, even if you don't feel like it? Should he just back away and wait until the urge comes back to you for intimacy? What if it never actually comes back?

This is the basis of a raging debate due to a recent book release. The book, The Sex Diaries by sex researcher and psychologist Bettina Arndt was based on the diaries she had 98 couples prepare for her over a period of months, about their sex lives. While it wasn't focussed entirely on menopause and sex, the results have caused a storm of debate and controversy.

Arndt says women can enjoy sex and become sufficiently aroused to orgasm even if they start without desire, so they should agree more often to 'take one for the team'.

Well, two huge assumptions there...

The second issue is that vaginal dryness is another common physical barrier making intercourse painful during menopause. This is much more easily solved.

The over the counter remedy is a simple, water soluble lubricant, along the lines of K-Y jelly. It can be enormous fun applying this to each other, but I will leave that up to your imaginations.

The medical remedy is a topical application. A homone based tablet can be inserted in the vagina lubricating the walls naturally or a hormone based crème can be prepared and inserted.

These symptoms are very common, experienced by two thirds of all women. So talk to your doctor and work on a solution.

There is drama enough around the emotional issues without dealing with the physical ones too.

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